The day those two pink lines showed up on a pregnancy test, I was beside myself with joy. After months of praying for just such a thing, Andrew and I were able to have our gleeful moment of celebration together. That same day, I went to Target to buy batteries but instead found myself meandering very slowly through the baby section.
My palms were sweaty from all the new hormones coursing through my body. I reached out swollen hands to finger little baby socks, baby blankets, baby hats. Then my eyes came to rest on a small, blue elephant. He had a green tail that played a lullaby when pulled. I glanced around guiltily to see if anyone was watching and then dropped the little guy in my basket. I took him home to Andrew and we curled up on our bed together and pulled the tail over and over, beaming.
But in a few short weeks, that pregnancy ended. I sat and held that elephant as I sobbed out my sorrow. Eventually, I put the elephant in a closet so I wouldn’t have the constant reminder of our baby that wasn’t.
In a few more months, more pink lines. Almost as soon as I’d delivered the good news to Andrew, I headed straight for the closet to pull out our elephant. We were more cautious in our joy this time, but no less excited at our miracle. We pulled the elephant’s tail and left him out to make us smile. (We had to keep him out of reach of Samson the Wonder Dog, of course, who would have disemboweled the elephant in twenty seconds. So the elephant mostly lived on our bed or on the couch.)
But there was sorrow at the end of that short pregnancy, too. I remember coming home from the doctor’s office after hearing that we were once again without child. I picked up that elephant and stroked his fuzzy head, a bittersweet smile showing through my tears. Through all of our disappointed hopes, God had proven Himself faithful and I clung to the promise of His sovereignty. I hugged the elephant close to my chest, whispered, “Some day,” and stuffed him high up in the closet where I couldn’t see him.
Fast forward six years.
I sat on my couch yesterday and watched the twins toss their toys around the living room. The rain that had driven us indoors yet again had also made us all slightly stir crazy. The kids had their box of stuffed animals out and were making piles of animals on the floor. Then they were jumping in the piles. They’d jump from creature to creature, grinning, yelling, and being their rambunctious little selves. Suddenly, underneath Ian’s foot, I noticed a blue trunk and a green tail.
There was our elephant. Being joyfully trampled on by no less than four (almost five) sets of little feet.
In the Old Testament, whenever God proved Himself to His people, they set up stones to help them remember His faithfulness. Here at the House of Vitafam, we’ve got a stuffed elephant, a pile of scrapbooks, and a whole lot of dirty footprints that fairly scream out His constancy. It may not be a literal pile of rocks, but they’re our stones of remembrance. How do YOU remember?
That’s one of the sweetest things EVER. And the picture is priceless.
Precious that the elephant has stayed with you all of these years. You know how we remember? Big S and I retell our God stories to one another, particularly when we are in the mully grubs!
Beautiful post!! What a wonderful reminder of all that God has provided!
Aw.. that is so sweet. I love the feet picture – especially Willas! Great reminder that God is good. All the time.
beautifully written, friend. I do know that journey but I know our God and love you like crazy. I am delighted to see His faithfulness over your family! He is so good!
Yeah for blue elephants, and a God who is always faithful. I love the foot picture, you absolutely gotta get that one framed…along with the one of Ellen wearing those bright orange boots you took last week.
What a wonderful photo of all their feet. I love photos like that!
still, you amaze and amaze me. the picture of their feet is AWESOME!
How I delight in your joy and journey. Lovingly
Giving credit where credit is due: my sister, Abbi, took the picture of the feet. It’s my favorite. And I’ve got big plans for framing it…
tears in my eyes. i’m so sorry that you guys had to go through loss. but how awesome for those 5 little sets of feet =)God is amazing and i absolutely love that picture!
LL, what a sweet story. Thank you for sharing that. I absolutely love the picture, too, I hope Abbi doesn’t mind if I try to imitate it with my crew! Your family is so beautiful!
This was awesome!
LL, that’s the sweetest picture of feet EVER. And how cool is it to be reminded of God’s goodness in a little stuffed elephant!
Another beautiful post. You can add me to the list of folks who love the picture of the cute feet as well. And scrapbooks… yes, I have some of those, but I’m SO-O-O far behind. I’m kind of getting motivated again. We’ll see how far that goes.
Beautiful, LL!
This is so good, friend. I think my stones are words. I write so I’ll remember.
What a sweet post! And the photo of the feet is precious beyond words! Thank you for sharing.
That foot picture needs to be framed and sent to a magazine, its adorable!
You have a wonderful way with words!
Aw…that was such a cool post! I loved the feet picture! God is so good to give you such beautiful stones /feet to help you remember His goodness! You guys are blessed!
If you think of it pray for me…I’m in my 39 week and my due date is April 10th. My first was a c-section and my 2nd was a VBAC. I really want another VBAC birth for baby # 3. Pray my body goes into labor! Thanks!
~ Ali
Forgot to say that I’ve had 2 miscarriages and I know the pain and sadness! I feel the same way as you…blessed to have 2 almost 3 kids in our family!
~ Ali
Loved this!! My stones are a pile of scrapbooks, and a huge pile of homeschool books. Thanks for the comparison, I wouldn’t have drawn that one out!!
We actually have a stone pile in the middle of one of the flower gardens. We call it our “Family Alter”. Every time something happens in our family that we especially need to praise God for…something significant…we write it on a new stone in permanent marker with the date and we have a little family service in the flower garden to add the stone to the pile and praise God together.
We can already see it from the house and someday we hope it will be a focal point of the flower garden that will make people ask why we are collecting rocks…then we can tell of God’s goodness! 🙂
I remember by watering the flowers I planted when I lost my first child.
What a beautiful post. I, too, have felt the deep sorrow of miscarriages. Now we look at our daughter and are overwhelmed with thankfulness for God’s precious gift. Thanks for sharing your story. And, the “feet” picture is priceless!
wow. you brought me to tears. And yes, I am hormonal and pregnant and a general disaster, but still. thank you.
What a wonderful post! How good God is!! Have a happy Easter.
What a precious story! The sorrow of babies lost and the joy of babies born.
Thanks for sharing.
those tiny feet at the end of the row make me cry with their cuteness! love it.
Such a beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness! My husband & I have yet to start trying to have a baby yet, but I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) so it COULD be difficult for us to get pregnant, and I’m not getting any younger at 28. I know that’s not old to have a baby, but we haven’t even started trying yet. Anyway, I just have to keep reminding myself of God’s sovereignty and faithfulness. He is totally in control of the situation regardless of the PCOS! Thanks for the encouraging post! Take care!
That picture is priceless….a beautiful post. So glad I stopped in…This was my first visit…I am a new blogger and would love for you to visit me and meet Parker and Jack.
Love it. Just finished a summer-long study of Joshua, and the altars they build to God’s faithfulness.
I just stumbled across your blog the other day and I’m really enjoying browsing your archives! I read this post and thought “I have to comment” because my husband and I lost two pregnancies as well before our little boy came. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why we named him Samuel – ‘God Heard us’. Blessings to you and yours. – Amy